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Are you feeling misjudged?
Patronised even?
When we are on the receiving end it can be very disheartening.
When it comes to judging people, it can be so easy to make assumptions based on first impressions.
We often hear the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but unfortunately, it still happens.
Misjudging people is an all too common occurrence. We often make assumptions about people without getting to know them or understanding their situation.
How do we make sure we don’t do the misjudging, plus how do we recover if we are misjudged?
I Am Whatever You say I Am?
Are you a strong black woman? If you are, good for you! Being strong is definitely an admirable trait.
However, even strong people are weak sometimes.
Also, race doesn’t determine anything. Yet black women are often expected to live up to this stereotype.
Are you a manly man who’s not allowed to cry? Only if that’s who you choose to be.
Even in this age of greater awareness regarding mental health, some stereotypes seem to persist.
In similarity, one of the most common areas of misjudgment is physical appearance or presentation, which is often just the tip of the iceberg of who the person is.
In this case, we tend to make assumptions about their personality and character.
It’s important to remember that physical appearance is only one aspect of a person and that it doesn’t necessarily reflect their true self.
We don’t need to analyse people’s personality on first impression (although most of us do unconsciously).
What I’m saying is that we should be careful in forming stereotypes or in failing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Let’s be mindful of our assumptions when it comes to judging people.
Taking the time to get to know someone and understand their circumstances can help us to make more informed decisions and create a more inclusive and accepting society.
Judge, Jury and Defendant Too!
Misjudgment is something that everyone experiences in life, and it can have a profound effect on our lives.
In fact, misjudgment can be a major cause of failure.
It can lead to wrong decisions, poor communication, and even harmful behaviour.
Years ago I became very irritated with an acquaintance in my life. I tried hard not to admit that I actually didn’t like her because I thought it was wrong not to like people.
I wanted to see the good in everyone, even if it meant using a magnifying glass to do so!
Unfortunately I often complained about this person to anyone who would listen, which kind of gave me a clue to my true feelings.
She appeared to be something of a psychopath and pretty self-absorbed. On retrospect she was probably just coming from an angle of her life experiences, as all of us do.
Not that we should excuse our bad behaviour. We do need to acknowledge why we are as we are though, so we can better understand how to make changes.
I’m not sure that I was misjudging her, but I could have played it differently and been more understanding which probably would have created a different environment for us both.
In fact I later came across someone else who had “challenging behaviour“, by which time I had learned to behave as though she didn’t!
We can’t change people after all, and just have to let them be themselves.
You may have heard the saying that what other people think of you is none of your business.
We are responsible only for our own behaviour.
Misjudgment occurs when we make assumptions, sometimes without any evidence, and act accordingly.
This can lead to bad decisions, misunderstandings – and misunderstandings can be especially damaging when it comes to relationships.
Listen, What You Looking At?!
The good news is that misjudgment can be avoided.
The first step is to be aware of our own biases and assumptions.
We need to take the time to consider all the facts and evidence and ensure that we are making decisions based on accurate information.
I try to make it a point not to judge people by their presentation as all too often I have been on the receiving end.
I remember when I had a job interview probably more than ten years ago.
I wasn’t particularly keen on the job, though I don’t remember why I applied for it.
Anyway I felt quite calm without the usual nerves that these artificial meetings produce.
Well, not only did I not get the job but the feedback was that I appeared too nervous!
Say what?!
I was so astounded that I actually told the person giving the feedback that I had not been in the least bit nervous.
So just maybe we revert to our default presentation without even realising. (I mean, I don’t really know how truthful this person was being after all).
Therefore, it pays to always be mindful of our body language.
It is also important to practice active listening.
When we actively listen, we take the time to really understand what the other person is saying.
Sometimes we don’t even think to ask the person anything because we already believe our preconceived ideas of them to be fact.
By being aware of our own biases, practicing active listening, and being open to feedback, we can reduce the likelihood of misjudgment and make better decisions in our lives.
Misjudgment is a too common occurrence in life, and it can often be difficult to overcome.
Let’s deal with it now.
A Change Is Coming
Here are some steps we can take to help us move past misjudgment and live our lives to the fullest.
The first step to overcoming misjudgment is to recognize when it’s happening. This can be tricky, as it can often be subtle and difficult to identify.
However, it’s important to be aware of our surroundings and to take note of how people may be treating us differently than others.
Patronising people can be irritating and difficult to deal with. They may have good intentions, but it can still come across as condescending and intrusive.
It’s especially difficult to respond in a productive and assertive manner in this case.
It helps to remember that usually patronising people are not trying to be malicious or even hurtful, and that it’s possible to overcome the situation with patience and understanding.
The first step is to stay calm and not take it personally, although this can be difficult.
It’s easy to feel frustrated and angry when someone is patronising us, but do remember that it’s not about us and their behaviour doesn’t reflect on us personally.
Instead, it’s about the patronising person’s own insecurities or personality traits.
It’s useful to try to understand that they may simply be trying to help even if it’s not coming across that way.
Once you’ve taken a few calming breaths and reminded yourself that you are in control of your emotions, it’s time to respond.
The key is to remain assertive and direct. “I appreciate your concern but it really isn’t necessary”, for example.
Or “I don’t appreciate being talked down to. Can we discuss this without patronising behaviour?”
Be mindful of your body language again.
Make sure to maintain good eye contact and an open posture. You’ll be sending a clear message that you’re not willing to be treated poorly.
We can even respond to their patronising behaviour by expressing our gratitude, while also respectfully making it clear that we don’t appreciate the way they are approaching the situation.
Bounce Back With A Laugh
Humour can also be a great tool to disarm the patronising person and let them see the situation from a different perspective.
Also to show that you’re not taking yourself too seriously.
For example, if they make a comment about your lack of experience you could say, “Well, I might not have experience of a thousand years but I’m still pretty good at what I do!”
Sometimes we have to be assertive to let people know that we know who we are, so there is no need for them to define us!
Be You, Be True
Finally, it’s important to practice self-care and seek out positive reinforcement when we feel overwhelmed by misjudgment.
This could include spending time with supportive friends and family, engaging in activities that bring us joy, or simply taking a break from the situation.
Overall, overcoming misjudgment can be a difficult process, but it is indeed possible.
Be Spurred On To Reach Your Full Potential
By recognizing when misjudgment is occurring, standing up for ourselves, and engaging in self-care, we can move past misjudgement and reach our full potential.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:18)
