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We’ve all heard of the terrible twos. What about the terrible teens?
Just before the tweenies. Ah, little angels.
What’s So Terrible About Teens?
Before you know it the teenage years have arrived. The tweenies have left the house…
Enter the teenager…
We’ve come of age, we are much more self-aware and we want everything our own way.
Just like when we were two!
I’m not just talking about the “yoof of today”, since every generation of young people face similar issues on all fronts.
Hormonal changes, peer pressure, acute self-consciousness, to name a few.
Too Cool for School
When I was 11 going on 12 our family moved to the Caribbean island of Dominica where my parents were from.
We eventually returned to London when I was 13, so I started secondary school half way through the second year (as it was back then).
Secondary School – Challenge Accepted!
School was somewhat of a challenge.
It was an all girls school so the drama and the bitching were very real.
I had a few friends, both real and superficial, but was never in the “popular” crowd in any way, shape or form.
It always felt slightly intimidating and angsty at school.
Teenage Years Begin The Comparison Game
Secondary school can be a bit scary for all involved. For the students it can feel like a competition to be king of the jungle.
It’s the period when we tend to compare ourselves with others more than any other time of our lives.
Here are some tips to help you get through this.
No Need To Compare Yourself With Others
When you feel the need to compare yourself to others write down your thoughts and feelings about this.
Why did you want to compare yourself to somebody else in the first place?
As soon as you experience these thoughts then write them down. Add as much detail as you can.
If you have already made the comparison then ask yourself how you felt about it.
Be sure to record all of the feelings and thoughts that you have about this.
Why Do Teens Compare Themselves?
Be specific here and write down the exact reasons for feeling down about a comparison.
For example. another student got something you wanted.
This is not always easy to do but certainly worth the effort.
Think back to a time when you didn’t feel the need to compare yourself with others.
Write this down in your journal and keep thinking about the time when you started to make regular comparisons.
This is powerful because it can help to identify the root causes behind your comparison habit.
For example you may have compared yourself to your sister in a negative way because you felt that she got more attention from your parents than you did.
Nothing Compares to Gratitude
Often people do not realize the damage that negative comparisons do to them.
When you write down how a comparison makes you feel then you will develop the necessary motivation to change this destructive habit.
Most people take the things that they already have in their life for granted.
So I recommend that you record a gratitude statement in your journal every day.
This will certainly help you to focus on yourself more than you do others.
Gratitude For Perspective
Think about the positive things in your life that you are truly grateful for.
You are healthy, you have a loving relationship, you have wonderful parents, you have great family and friends, you have a great home to live in and so on.
Write down three things that you are grateful for in your journal every day.
When you do this, reflect on how blessed you are to have them.
Use statements like “I am so grateful to have my health” or “I am so grateful to have my family”.
This will help you to realize that there are a lot more things in your life that are more important than having new shoes for example.
You’re Not The Boss Of Me!
Never forget that you are in control of your life.
It can be really difficult to stop comparing yourself to others in a bad way but the only person who can change your life for the better is you.
So take responsibility to do that and stop letting others control you.
If you are in the habit of idolizing others then you need to stop this.
It is an unrealistic thing to do and fantasizing about others will get you nowhere.
There is always more to another person than meets the eye.
By idolizing someone you will only concentrate on the things that appeal to you and you do not see the whole person.
Know Who You Really Are
When you experience negative thoughts after comparing yourself to someone else then take action immediately by using a positive thought to neutralize it.
So for example if the negative thought is “I will never be as cool as her” use a positive thought such as “I am wonderful and can attract all the things that I want in my life”.
Love Your Life!
Neutralizing negative thoughts with positive ones definitely works but you need to be consistent with this. Be persistent for as long as it takes.
If you experience any negative thoughts about yourself for any reason then remember to use a positive thought every time to change your state.
Repeat 100 times a day if you have to.
Using other people’s standards to judge yourself is a road that you don’t want to go down.
This will fuel your need to compare yourself with others and will likely result in negative thoughts and feelings.
Set your own standards and judge yourself by these.
What Other People Think Is None Of Your Business!
This is all about taking responsibility for your own life and being in control.
Always remember that you do not have any control over what other people do.
Become comfortable with your own standards so that you refrain from looking at other peoples’.
What You Think Is What Counts
I had always liked pop music as a child. My first record was “Knock Three Times” by Tony Orlando and Dawn.
I also distinctly remember playing “Where’s Your Mama Gone?” by Middle of the Road over and over.
I’ll never forget my orange T-shirt with a picture of Michael Jackson and his afro on the front when I was around 11.
As a late 1970s teen I was quite heavily into the ska revival music.
One time I went back to Woolworths to return the 7-inch record, “Rudy” by The Specials because it was scratched.
The assistant, a young girl about my age, insisted on playing it in the store to test it. The music filled the store, jumps on the scratch and all.
The assistant’s young colleague who was standing nearby piped up, “I don’t like that kind of music!”
Of course, she would not be allowed to say that today. Even in those days I would imagine it was unacceptable.
However I had felt too intimidated to respond.
Keep Your Cool Around Passive Aggression
In retrospect, her statement quite rightly shouldn’t have been dignified with a response anyway.
Although my first instinct today would probably be to let her know how inappropriate it was!
A good idea is to keep a cool head by speaking in a monotone that shows complete indifference to the condescending statement.
This will help to deflect any immediate sting from the passive aggressive person.
Practice standing your ground with an air of composure that belies the actual feeling of fear or intimidation.
Finally School’s Out For Me
I left school in the summer of 1979 at sweet 16.
I was going to return and go into the 6th form to take more O-levels but couldn’t face it.
In the end I went to the local college instead.
In the following years I regretted the decision to carry on studying.
By the time I left college just one short year later, the job market had suddenly changed for the worse.
I spent the next five years or so unemployed with just a few “work experience” stints in between.
Decide What You Want To Do After School
At the end of the final school year there was a kind of open day when different employers, mainly from banks, came on a mission to recruit us students.
In the following years I wished wholeheartedly that I had gone to work in one of the banks. Alas, it was too late!
Or so I thought.
I had previously told the school’s careers teacher that I wanted to be a writer.
She said I needed to get a proper job.
I Will Survive And So Will You!
So in all I spent my teenage years mostly feeling somewhat inadequate and intimidated.
It needn’t have been so.
I also related to the social messages on The Specials’ songs since there seemed to be no hope for us young people at the time.
What kept me going throughout my childhood and teenage years was reading and writing.
I always made good use of my library cards and have read many works of fiction as well as non-fiction.
If I had the notion I would have also documented as described above.
I had brought a five-year diary to Dominica with me where I journaled about snippets of the day.
That’s all there was room for, as it was really more suitable as an appointments diary.
To think I kept that going for five whole years!
Teen Years Do Not Have To Be Terrible!
If you’re a teenager now, I hope this post encouraged you.
So how were your teenage years?
Comment below!
